2/20/2017: Can I relax now?

I’ve been sitting here, noodling on twitter, thinking about my day.

Between the sauce, the mead, cleaning, a bit of drain clearing, the steak experiment, and a few posts I got a lot done.

I should be happy with the day and, it being about 7:30 at night and having eaten (ravioli with my sparkly new sauce) I should feel okay about sitting down and watching an hour of TV or two. For those who don’t know, I don’t watch tv. It’s not a default activity. I just…don’t do it. I’ll hang on to a show or two (Archer, Game of Thrones, and Rick & Morty are the three I get excited about) but that’s it.

But the guilt involved in deciding to do that is pretty silly. The ‘reducto ad absurdam’ of it is “Your life is not perfect, therefore you have no business relaxing.” Now it’s bullshit because you can’t just go 16 hours a day, 7 days a week.

The other thing I chant to myself rather a lot is “The reward for being good can’t be permission to be bad.” Which I think, while maybe a little over the top, is pretty much sound policy. Eating salads and veges for a week doesn’t mean you get an ice cream float. You’re not doing yourself any favors that way.

It occurs to me that, in a very real sense, I don’t know any successful people.

Why I think that’s relevant is that I don’t know how people who really get things done in the “I have dreams that I work towards while working a day job” template. So I don’t know if I’m actually allowed to relax or if I’m ditching school to watch a bunch of Archer (aGAIN. My neighbors must hate me. But I can’t get enough.)

Part of it comes from something my mother used to drill in to our heads (she still says it, but I argue with her about it): “Good enough isn’t good enough.”

Now, I know what she means. She MEANS “don’t slack until the job’s done right.” But I, far too recently, came to the conclusion that my brain has been hearing that for the majority of the last 40 something years as “Nothing you do is ever good enough.” Which “isn’t something I would have thought I thought.”

But the post I made a bit ago about the success and great reception of the mead was a clear indication that somewhere, in the cobwebs of my mind, something like that has been internalized pretty severely.

So I’m not sure if I’m:

– Successfully overcoming the hopefully misguided notion that any effort I do exert will be for naught.
– Ditching school on my goals and projects.
– Watching some well earned TV.

Regardless, I’m off to get the Amazon Fire working again (more on that some other time) and watch a metric fuckton of Archer.

Shit. Maybe I’ll open a bottle of mead. Eh. No. Bad idea.